Phantoms vs Phiction
by The Phantom Pimpernel
Summary: Two different Phantoms. One left alone by the countless authoresses, the other completely surrounded by them. Can they stop the authors messing with their lives? Will be based off of any Phantom mainly LerouxALW!Movie though.
1. Erik's Disturbance

A/N: Hello...this is my first phic. It's more or less a parody of the insane/crazy/plotless phics posted up here and the authors who write them. I have seen one too many phan/character conversations to my liking so now it's time for the Phantoms to have their say about the goings on in Phic World.

Disclaimer: I really don't think I own anything in this phic even if PotO IS a story in the public domain. I don't even own the authoresses. They are simply examples of what I've seen here over the years.

Erik's Disturbance

Erik took off his mask and looked at himself in the mirror. He saw that his skin seemed to be a shade yellower and pulling tighter around his gaunt face. The hole that was supposed to serve as his nose had grown. Also, his hair was continuing to disappear. He threw his arms up in exasperation and disgust.

"Do I think it will go away some day? Do I think that I will wake up some day and find myself to be a handsome young man? Do I think that some day I will be able to make up for all of the time I've lost and live a normal life?" He slammed his fist on the table in front of him."I'm nearing sixty! I should have stopped believing in fairy tales a long, long time ago!" Erik held his face in his bony hands. "Why must I torment myself this way when I feel another year of my life ending?" he whispered in a shaky voice. Erik then put on his full black mask and fedora on as quickly as he could so he could hide his deformity from the world and himself once more.

Erik then took out Les Miserables. Ever since he had read Notre-Dame de Paris he was hooked on Victor Hugo's works. He felt that Hugo's death was a great loss to the world of writing. He sat down with the book and began reading where he left off.

Suddenly, he was pulled from Hugo's Paris by a knock on the door. Irritated at being disturbed from his reading, he quickly readied a Punjab Lasso and made his way towards the front door. He looked out the peephole and saw a man walking near the house.

This man was wearing black dress clothes over a white ruffled shirt. He had short dark hair and a white mask that only covered half of his face. The odd appearance of the man threw Erik off a bit. Naturally, he knew that he was not the most conventional man in Paris, but this man just had something that made Erik more uneasy than he already was. He threw opened the door and was about to strangle the man, when he heard a ghastly noise coming from the man's throat. It appeared to be singing, but to Erik's trained ears it sounded more like a poisoned cat gasping out its last. He was so taken aback by the sound that he dropped his Lasso.

When he picked it up again he noticed that a large group of teenage girls had appeared out of nowhere. Some were applauding and some were swooning. Then, they vanished as soon as they had arrived. Erik was stunned by this all.


	2. A Conversation Between Two Phantoms

A/N: There's not too much to say this time around since I'm posting these two chapters at the same time. I'm new to the whole "Story Making" half of so if I make an error in the format here or their be patient with me. )

Disclaimer: Even if Phantom is public domain-I don't own these versions nor do I own the authoresses.

A Conversation Between Two Phantoms

"Who are you and what do you want?" the bewildered Phantom asked.

The strange man sighed. "My name is Erik Destler and I am simply a pawn in this fandom's Game of Life."

"I see," said Erik slightly taken aback by this answer. "Erik with a 'K'?"

"Yes, but I am also called 'Gerik'."

"Geri-Oh never mind. Why do you wear that mask?" Erik asked.

"Underneath this mask is something terrible. It is a truly monstrous thing to behold !" At this point, Gerik seemed to be on the verge of having a breakdown. He held himself and began to sing while swaying lightly from side to side. "_This face which earned a mother's fear and loathing...A mask-my first unfeeling scrap of clothing_..."

Erik was wincing. Not only was this behavior extremely awkward, but it was obvious that this man couldn't sing. He couldn't take it anymore! Erik lunged at Gerik and ripped off his mask.

Erik almost started to laugh. Gerik's "deformity" appeared to be nothing more than a sunburn. Meanwhile, Gerik seemed to be going through a state of shock. He was staring at Erik in absolute horror and looked as if he were about to cry.

"W-hy d-did you do that?" Gerik whispered.

"To make you stop singing! I cannot allow you to go on singing with a voice like _that_."

"You...took off _my_ mask...just so I would stop _singing_ ?" Gerik responded in bewilderment. "How could you do such a thing? Look at it! It's _hideous_!" he yelled wildly gesturing to his face.

"Yes...of course it is." Erik said sarcastically. "Do you know what it is like to be without a nose?"

"No."

"Then, you do not know what 'hideous' means, Mr. Destler." Erik said darkly.

"Sorry...I'm not sure I'm following..." said Gerik, obviously confused.

With a swift movement, Erik removed his own mask. Gerik stared in terror. This was the reaction Erik was used to even if he did not like it. "_This_," he said gesturing to his own face. "This is hideous."

Gerik was still stunned by Erik's face, getting more terrifying to look at per second.

"Alright...do you understand now, Destler?"

Gerik nodded slowly and took a deep breath. "I wouldn't even be able to get _close_ to Christine with that face, let alone attempt to marry her." he said softly.

Now it was Erik's turn to be stunned. "_You_ have a Christine too?" he put his mask back on and Gerik followed suit. "Is she-"

"Magnificent, radiant, glorious, with a beautiful voice?" Gerik finished off quickly.

"...Yes." Erik said weakly. "And with the most lovely blonde hair you ever saw..." he finished softly, obviously zoning out into his own world, but Gerik pulled him out of it.

"What? Yours is blonde? Mine has the most luscious curly brown locks..."

Erik felt a surge of relief that Gerik hadn't won his Christine after all the tension between he and Raoul, le Vicomte de Chagny. He sighed."What are you here for agin?"

"I actually haven't the foggiest idea. The last I remember is being in _my_ batca-I mean lair and hearing a large booming voice promising me cookies if I came here. It sounded just like a young teenage girl."

"You simply came here because a voice promised cookies?" Erik raised an eyebrow behind his mask.

"No...I didn't even _want_ the cookies. I get too many random booming voices promising me cookies and other sweets if I do things. The next I remember is approaching this place."

_ Is it possible that this man is farther gone than I am?_ Erik asked himself. "I don't care about the cookies! If I wanted to, I could steal you some right now!" at these words, Gerik's eyes lit up. "But I don't." Gerik frowned. "I want to know more about the voices. I rarely-if ever-hear the voices you describe to me."

"I was puzzled too. However, I actually know what they are." Gerik said in a stern voice.

"Well?"

"They call themselves 'authoresses'. They write some drivel called 'phanfiction'. They are generally teenagers who seem to have a scary attraction to me."

"They are _attracted_ to you? They actually feel that way for you?" all of this was new to Erik.

"Yes."

"But _no one_ would be attracted to deformed freaks like us." Erik said confused beyond all reason.

"Yet some are..." Gerik said trailing off. This was the first time he had actually been able to talk about this with someone and he too was realizing how odd the situation had become.


	3. The Formation of a Plan

A/N: This is the third chapter. Thanks for the reviews! I'm grateful for any I can get be they positive or negative (though now they are predominately positive). And I think we'll actually see some of the plot on this fine day.

Disclaimer: Is this necessary? It's still fairly obvious that Phantom is public domain (I'm pretty sure), but the original characters are M. Leroux's idea and ALW altered them for his own PotO be it movie or stage musical.

The Formation of a Plan

There was a moment of silence between the two. Erik stared at Gerik and visa versa. Finally, Erik spoke up, seeming to have come back from his state of confusion.

"Well, how do you put up with it?" he asked Gerik who still seemed to be lost in thought.

"Put up with what?" he asked absently, since Erik had just pulled him back to earth.

"The authoresses, obviously. Good God, man! How do you put up with your glaring lack of privacy?" Erik fired back urgently, remembering a time long ago in which an authoress had sent a "Mary Suzette self-insertion" down to his home. He recalled feeling violated of his privacy and the girl quickly became a victim of hypnotism as a result of Erik's ventriloquism skills. She was sent out unharmed save for the state of shock he had put her in. He never really knew what had caused the strange apparition, but now he did.

"I suppose I just live with it now..." muttered Gerik, thinking about a time when it was just he, Christine, and his organ. _Those were the days... _

Now there were beautiful and not so beautiful women winding up in his lair at least twice a day. At first he didn't mind. He liked it actually...who wouldn't? All of them were incredibly nice and could relate to him perfectly. Heck, they even knew some of his favorite songs! What's not to love? Well, the women and teenage girls kept coming...more and more of them. Several times, he felt the need to cease the storyline the authoress was putting out. Once, a woman was killed in the process. That only led to temporary peace, though. Next thing he knew, he was tied up in a chair next to a girl typing furiously on a computer. She held him hostage to get reviews on the story he had nearly destroyed. It was then he realized that the same force that gave him cookies, could also be terribly dangerous...The girl had learned how to use a Punjab Lasso quite efficiently and demonstrated without restraint on many common household objects. Then, there was her _Closet of Phantom._ Gerik learned what his Christine felt when he showed her the life-sized model of her in a wedding dress. It was not a good feeling. Gerik shuddered, reliving the terrible memories of seeing poorly drawn pictures of him and the girl together, listening to the music he sang innumerable times on a CD, and even worse-watching his every action on film three times straight with the girl singing along to Christine's parts with her crackling voice. Forget Carlotta! This was the girl he should have made that backdrop fall on! Since then, he had let authoresses do whatever they wished in his home in fear of having to go through another experience like that.

"Destler?" Erik called softly. Gerik's face had gone nearly as white as his mask. "What is wrong?"

Gerik blinked a bit. "You are right...I shouldn't have to put up with this! A Phantom has his rights!" he answered with a sudden fierceness that made even Erik back away slightly.

"So true!" Erik said in strong agreement. "But...what are we going to do about it?" he asked, losing steam.

"We are going to stop them." Gerik said sternly.

"Yes...but how?" Erik prompted, hoping for more description.

"We _are _going to stop them." Gerik said again with conviction.

Erik face-palmed and made a small groan. It was clear to him that Gerik's experience with the "drivel that is phanfiction" had caused him to lose some necessary qualities. Planning, for instance, was essential is a Phantom's life. How else would they know how to manipulate the managers?

However, one authoress's story in which Gerik needed to make a plan for saving Christine, was poorly written. The plan Gerik was made to carry out was incredibly generic and when set into motion it was sort of ridiculous and even a bit redundant. Unfortunately, it had rubbed off him, and made him quite useless in the field of planning.

"Well, first...perhaps we should visit your place since it seems to be the hub of this problem." Erik suggested. "...You do know the way back, right?" he asked, realizing what he just suggested might be more easier said than done.

"Actually, I'm not too sure I do. I wasn't completely conscious of arriving, remember?" Gerik replied. "I am willing to try, though." He added on bravely.

_ Well, here goes nothing..._ Erik thought as he rolled his eyes. It would seem that this "plan" would be harder than he thought.


End file.
